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1. |
Form
03:38
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The fires of heaven are tall, I hear
O Lord, the fires on high
They wanted your servant and took, O Lord
And that was the day I died
The fires of heaven are tall, I feel
O Lord, the fires a'foot
There's doubt in my heart that they took her up
O Lord, why are you mute?
The fires of heaven are tall, I feel
O Lord, the fires before me
The last that I saw of my love, O Lord -
Swimming gold in a field so free
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2. |
Coyote Running
04:16
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When it's night
and I'm out
and I'm figuring myself out
I gotta wonder
What it is the enemy is doing
at this hour
And in the yawning artist hours,
get the onward! Darkest Tower
Melt thy heart to feed The River
Walk to a run to a sprint to the 35 Bridge
up, over the edge, to the Mississippi bed
And then my dream ends
With my ghost downstream,
skipping stones with my demons
And when I wake
I wish I didn't wake
A fish in the firmament
racing dawn to break
Old Coyote, so cold and lonely -
drawing heat up, out of the earth to warm its journey
And under my skin, there goes a rolling fire,
licking up the spotted back of the earth
chasing all life to the ocean
making hands act, off running for my Prozac
Old Coyote, so cold and lonely -
drawing heat up through its Heart-of-Hearts
'cause damn it, sole is holy!
And the blazing line of dawn
burns my sorry station
with an unmatched fury
When it's night
and I'm out
and I'm figuring myself out
I slip back into bad habits like a childhood glove I don and don again
'til dawn and on again
That sick pit in the stomach
where the lows are so low they feel like a summit
and I'm too weak to climb it
I'll report back to the brink someday,
but for now I think I'll just
stay a little while and drink in my sorrow
thinking of new ways I can sink tomorrow
And maybe, just maybe, I've had enough
of this thing called life
Or maybe, just maybe, I'm taking off
It just hurts so much
Walk to a run to a sprint to the 35 Bridge
up, over the edge, to the Mississippi bed
And then my dream ends
With my ghost downstream,
skipping stones with my demons
And when I wake
I wish I didn't wake
A fish in the firmament
racing dawn to break
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3. |
Red Winter
04:29
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Red winter
Months isolate
Temple or
Body horror?
With eraser
And a razor blade,
sing softly and surrender
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
2011 came riding the melting spring,
with a blood-red sun to hail a fallen thing
Then a Loon called, "Surrender."
...it's a desperate thrashing in the water
Doc, I gotta tell ya, I'm a little out of breath
Maybe it's the cigarettes, maybe it's regret...
Maybe it's this well of shame that fills my empty heart
Doc, I've got so much to say, but where am I to start?
Red winter
Months isolate
Temple or
Body horror?
With eraser
And a razor blade,
sing softly and surrender
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
Doc, I gotta tell ya, I've been having violent dreams again
And I confess, I cannot place them in my hands or in my dream states
Sorry I can't keep the peace;
can't keep the violence either
What am I, but a fateful stoic at the whim and the mercy?
What am I, but a ranging tourist at the whim and the mercy?
The whim and the mercy of a
Red winter
Months isolate
Temple or
Body horror?
With eraser
And a razor blade,
sing softly and surrender
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
SURRENDER
Remember a loon called, "Surrender."
Did you surrender?
SURRENDER
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4. |
Fathers and Children
04:57
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Vetiver and cardamom
Piano keys left hanging
Bound in copper wire
Beads of glass all swaying
And round about the hovel weeds
stood demons carved from ash
Mind and sod keep company
as daylight swings on past
It is august and the summer ends in gossip:
my friends and I talk girls while our parents talk oil conflict
Back and off-center, probably for the better
[Father] "Speak into the wind! It's all air!"
[Author] It's all air, this "better" besides
whether or not we listen's not the point
it's if we follow
These precious moments are ficklefine
It's like a shadow, growing's so fragile
Lessons learned
There is no curve
We grew up like *that* in the dirt
You are
in equal parts
My Charybdis
and my Odyssey
Father? Is this my inheritance?
Words, death, and mental illness?
Pull back the fight of my heart
Raise it like a child to an artful vengeance
Then go on, you! you vanguard!
Find me acceptance and whatever's left may bring me hope
Lessons learned
There is no curve
We grew up like *that* in the dirt
You are
in equal parts
My Charybdis
and my Odyssey
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5. |
Void
02:11
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Could that be a distant weeping?
No - a shore of missed what-ifs
Where the waves make doubting welcome
to bind the shells and sands and skiffs
Could that be a distant clapping?
No, that's just an old wind, rolling
Tossing twig and flighting bird
and no one ever saw them going
Could that be a distant breaking?
No, that's just my heartache, beating -
living out my days in waiting
for Death to wake me from my waking
And all at once I see the fading,
silent wisp of veil, nodding
And past its air-thin paper armor -
only void and void out farther
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6. |
Silence
04:45
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It's the same dream I've been having for years:
My wings of wax;
yours of steel
We climb so high, you glow like an angel
and I fall
You tragic and broken thing
A deaf girl named Cadence
left in the pouring rain
to live out her namesake
alone with herself and pain
Now, I was unfound and found,
with an unsound mind, design,
in this black program, for I am
the son of no one in particular
with no feature or future
You tragic and broken thing
A blind girl named Vision
left in the pouring rain
to live out her namesake
alone with herself and pain
So I might away
I might away
I might away with myself one of these days
Far cry away in the quiet
Our distance is now a concept
Binary stars in unorbit
Just comets
Bye comet
So I will away
I will away
I will away with myself one of these days
And I cannot really believe myself
when I throw up my defenses like that
in the face of all sent my way
When I cannot put up with the bullshit
when I cannot put up or open up
when I know I shut up, keep up, and close down shop
I become an archipelago island
separated ink-blot-Jules-Verne-side-note
cut off from the adventure
left in the desk
buried by notes
and forgotten to death
I will away
I will away with myself one of these days
I will away
I will away
It's the same dream I've been having for years:
My wings of wax;
yours of steel
We climb so high, you glow like an angel
and I fall
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7. |
Nightdrive
04:30
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With a lead heart and a lead foot I'm hanging left with a hanging head
I'm burning tread in the early AM - Am I right in the head?
I know I left, but I know it was right
I know I left just to write, but it was righteous to hurt for you -
Right to right my wrongs
…I'm downtown now, wonder how many downers taking uppers in the downtown crowd
...And I pass by neon blocks and odd-shops and even colder corners make good zombie hotspots
and they all wanna know where the road is
But I don't know, I really don't know
'cause I'm just passing through
for the neon and food
...Here come the 'burbs with the birds and their babies
with their houses and their fences and depression and Mercedes
And I'm counting mail boxes so I know how far I've gone
in the Grid of Falling Dreams so I don't end up getting lost
...City... satellites for the next few miles and... a thousand miles to go...
There's a long road winding on
and there's a sugersweet breeze pouring through my windows
I'm going for a nightdrive
on the road that leads away
To be by myself and create what I like
I'm going for a nightdrive
Some air will clear my cloudy mind
Don't wait up, I'll be out all night
I'm going for a nightdrive
on the road that leads away
To be by myself and create what I like
I'm going for a nightdrive
to think on things that make me cry
and I don't think I'm coming back this time
With a lead foot and a lead heart I'm hanging left with a hanging head
I'm not right in the head
I see it
in the distance:
VENI
VEDI
VICTUS SUM
…You chose the victim...
...Now choose your gun...
Revolver riding shotgun and shotgun riding hitch -
pick it up, ditch it, or cock it, you cocky bitch
Time to commit or burn up, you comet
Come on! driver, forgive or commit
You submit, you give in: you give up
There's a nihilism 'bout you now
It looks good in the rearview windows
With a sugarsweet breeze through the windows
I have the energy
for one last nightdrive
off into the midnight
With loftier dreams than I can reach
and with time slipping by,
like the shadows on the road,
into lightcast form and reaching void,
the ending page escaped
Save it for me, okay?
Survive me when I'm gone
Survive my when I'm gone
Into yon and yonder void,
there's a long road winding on
But at least for the journey unknown
there's a sugarsweet breeze pouring through my windows
I'm going for a nightdrive
on the road that leads away
To be by myself and create what I like
I'm going for a nightdrive
on the road that leads away
To be by myself and create what I like
I'm going for a nightdrive
to think on things that make me cry
and I don't think I'm coming back this time
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8. |
Sun Bleached Bones
11:17
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Here comes the end and I'm ready
I carry on but the on is heavy
And I am a different kind of lost
Here comes the end and I'm ready
I'm here, but I'm empty here
I gotta go to find a better here
I promise I'll be a different kind of found
With a smile, you turn to me, saying, "What in the hell are we?"
And I shrug insouciant and you turn back
The scene ends with a fade to black
"I don't think we'll be coming back. There isn't enough hope for wishing that. But at least when the credits roll, I hope a sad, sad song plays us out."
Here comes the end and I'm ready
I carry on but the on is heavy
And I am a different kind of lost
Here comes the end and I'm ready
I'm here, but I'm empty here
I gotta go to find a better here
I promise I'll be a different kind of found
We're all dead men just trying to ease the pain
Isolating sometimes; sublimating our time
here on earth, just trying to cope with life,
okay only part time, never truly alive
"You understand? The weapons that I seek? A little higher and a little out of reach."
"So where does hope go when hopes gone?"
"Anywhere but here," I say. "Anywhere but here."
Ask me why I do it and I point down the road
saying, without looking, "Do you really wanna know?"
You nod and I turn and I start and you follow
I stop and I turn and say, "Yeah, me too."
And then we started again
off west, even and silent
The reason didn't matter to us
We just knew that the journey called us
We just knew that the journey called us
We just knew that the journey onward
was steep and we knew our dreams were
a little higher and a little out of reach
We just knew that the journey called us
We just knew that the journey onward
was steep and we knew our dreams were
a little higher and higher yet
Here comes the end and I'm ready
I carry on but the on is heavy
And I am a different kind of lost
Here comes the end and I'm ready
I'm here, but I'm empty here
I gotta go to find a better here
I promise I'll be a different kind of found
Here comes the end and I'm ready,
calm, and composed like the sun-bleached bones
on the beach
I carry on, I carry on
I carry on, I carry on
I carry on, I carry on...
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